On Being Who I Am

This morning while scrolling through Facebook, I came across a meme posted by an old high school friend that read, “Why raise your daughter to be a lady, when you can raise her to be a warrior?” I didn’t think anything of it at first, but as it sat in the back of my mind for a few more minutes I started to get a little riled. I thought about myself and the woman I want to be, and the thousands of little girls and young women I have come across in my lifetime. What are we teaching them?

I’m grateful that I’m done with my initial years of formation already, because I’m afraid that nowadays it’s become fashionable to forget about being ladylike. With the rise of “feminism” as a hashtag and trend, many women (and unfortunately men as well) think that “being a lady” is equated with being “less than,” and that is simply not the case. As a woman raised with a strong Catholic background, I’ve had the best model of what it means to be both great and ladylike: the Virgin Mary. She is the highest example of what it means to be a lady, in times of hardship and day-to-day lessons both. What has she taught me, in particular? Well, I’ve come to better understand the importance of women as mothers, nurturers, and listeners. I’ve wanted to be more patient and gentle with those I come in contact with. I respect and honor men, especially those in leadership positions (thank you, priests!). I try to comport myself with dignity and class at all times. I want to lead others to Jesus, not to myself. This, I believe, is what it means to be ladylike (and nowhere does that signify we can’t have a good time and laugh really obnoxiously every now and then and even get really dirty and sweaty). Now, does all this ladylike business mean that our Virgin Mother isn’t also a warrior? Absolutely not. For heaven’s sake, she’s depicted crushing the head of Satan in numerous paintings and statues. She stood resolute at the foot of the cross and never faltered while her beloved son died in front of her. At the very invocation of Mary the devil trembles with fear. Warrior much? I think so.

How can I even move on with a post like this without mentioning St. Joan of Arc? Ah, Joan, my patron saint. I have a special love for her, and always have since the age of 12 when I first watched “Joan of Arc” with Leelee Sobieksi and cried like a baby while she burned at the stake. What a lady, what a warrior! As a young girl she was repeatedly visited by Sts. Michael, Catherine, and Margaret, who urged her to remain virtuous and go to mass often. She did so, and even when she left her home as a young teenager to help drive the English out of France, she remained unfailingly humble and honest, giving glory to God in every situation. The soldiers were said to be greatly impressed by her piety and devotion to womanhood, and they never once saw her act in any way that lessened it. But then, she also helped free her country from the English and went down in history as a warrior and military leader. She was bold, and stood up for what she knew to be right even in the face of death. So yeah. Saint Joan of Arc, pray for us!

Being a lady and being a warrior are not mutually exclusive. I would argue, in fact, that they go hand in hand. What woman among us is not called to act in defense of those things we know to be true? We should fight until our dying day for those who are weaker or uninformed. We can run Tough Mudder races, weight lift ourselves to a an Olympic gold medal, birth twins. What warriors, yes? At the same time, being ladylike is in our design, and nothing we do can lessen it, but we are at our best advantage when we nurture those qualities and let them shine through. I look to Mama Mary and the Saints as my guides, and sometimes I fail, but know that I am a lady and a warrior, fierce and a woman, and that God calls me to both.

Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.

- St. Catherine of Siena