My Greatest Desire: Motherhood

When I was a small child I wanted to be a ballerina. Then it was a writer. Then it was a teacher. I worked on that last goal for about ten years, and it morphed into six years of various types of employment in the field of education. Well, my life has undergone a lot of changes in those past six years, and so have my goals and dreams. I accomplished every single thing I set out to accomplish (graduate from college, teach in my own classroom, live out of state, get a masters) before age 25, except for one: marriage.

Marriage was something I used to take for granted. I just assumed I'd graduate from college and be married by 25. I'd have two children by age 30. I'd celebrate a 50 year golden anniversary with my husband in my old age. Looking back on my expectations and views about marriage, I can see that I was incredibly naive. I didn't recognize marriage for what it really is. It was merely a stepping stone in the pathway of my life that I thought I would eventually stumble upon. How wrong I was.

I can honestly say now, with only a small tinge of sadness, that it's best I wasn't married young. I wouldn't have been ready. I've learned so many things in the past six years that have deepened my understanding and appreciation for marriage as a sacrament, sacrifice, and sanctification process. I'm still learning. But most importantly, I've come to understand that marriage and motherhood is not a stepping stone, or a prize, or an escape: it's the one thing I long for the most, short of heaven.

Let's be honest, I've had a lot of success in my life. I've accomplished many things that I'm proud of, things that most people under the age of 30 have not done. I know a lot of young people look up to me and admire me for these things, turn to me for help and advice, bank on my knowledge and writing and speaking and editing skills. I've had people ask me Will you go for your doctorate? Do you want to be a principal eventually? Have you ever thought about writing a book? These are amazing feats and should be admired, but I won't comment on them now. What I want to say is, I'd rather be a mom.

As I learn more about myself, my heart, my desires, the woman that God is calling me to be, I've come to a pivotal understanding. I, Melissa, was formed to be a nurturer. My heart was made to take care of people. I love to listen, to be beside friends and family, to help them when they're sad, sick, or needing something done. I like to clean, to organize, to cook. I delight in having friends at my little apartment, sharing with them what is mine, giving my time to them. I live to instruct, to educate, to advise. I love babies and children, and just being in their presence brings a smile to my face. And perhaps most importantly of all, not only do these things bring me constant joy, but I excel at them. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

The Lord gave me these gifts for a reason, He made me this way purposely. And I see now why marriage and family has been placed on my heart with renewed zeal. Sacramental marriage, as God created it to be, is hard work. Anyone who says it's easy is probably not trying as hard they could, honestly. The man and the woman united in sacramental marriage have a responsibility to God to lead each other to heaven, along with any children they may have. This is a difficult job, a life-long job, a rewarding job. There is no other job I desire to have.

No doubt this scares some people; allow me to scare you even more. I would love to be married, have a family, and stay home with them. I wouldn't need to do anything else. To be entrusted to the care of children, to be in charge of their formation, to have the chance to love them and teach them and play with them all day long; how beautiful that seems in my eyes. To take care of a home, to make it cozy and joyful and ready for my husband, children, and guests; I can't imagine anything more fulfilling. Of course it would be difficult (heart breakingly difficult sometimes), of course I'd find days where I probably hated it and wanted out, but that's like any job that anybody has. You pray and you get through it.

Because of this, I've added a specific prayer into my requests: I am asking the Lord for a man who will pursue me courageously, relentlessly, and obviously. I'm done with men who hide behind screens, take forever to contact you, ghost you after continuous communication, or are wishy-washy in their intent. I desire a man who will recognize my worth, my talents, and my beauty, and pursue me just as fervently as the Lord has all these years. It may be that this man won't appear for quite some more time, but I'm prepared to wait, even when I'm frustrated. I know that once I find this man, his actions while pursuing me will reflect the type of husband and father he will be in the future: one who doesn't stop the pursuit just because we are married, one who will sacrifice for our family, one who will contribute to even the smallest of tasks on a daily basis with a cheerful heart.

So I ask you, what are your thoughts about marriage? What do you desire from it? What does it mean to you? If you're already in a relationship, is it headed in this direction? How do you view motherhood/fatherhood? Reflect on these questions. The answers are going to tell you a lot about who you are and what you wish to become. Women, perhaps unlike me, you desire to work full time for many years. Maybe you want to raise children AND have a career. Maybe you're not ready yet to be married at all. There is no right answer. But I do know that God places desires on our hearts for a reason, and they are a call to be the person He created us to be. Because of this, I'm not ashamed to say that my greatest prayer is for marriage and motherhood. The simplicity of my heart's desire is not something to be ashamed of. The man who is right for me will find that honorable, and he is out there.