Doubt vs. Discipleship: You Are Called

During this Easter season we have heard a lot about how Jesus appeared to his Disciples in different places throughout Jerusalem. I've been reflecting on these appearances during daily mass and personal prayer for the last few weeks. What I've noticed continually jumping out at me is how Jesus keeps on appearing to these disciples even though it is repeatedly stated that they doubted. They doubted before the Resurrection, they doubted as Jesus appeared to their friends, they even doubted when Jesus approached them personally and spoke words of reassurance. At first glance, this might appear to be a reminder of how we as Christians fail to see and understand the Risen Jesus in our midst, which is definitely true. But what I've found Him speaking to me through these scriptures is not an emphasis on where we fall short, but where He gives in unceasing abundance.

What do I mean by this? So often we find ourselves failing to completely understand and buy into the message of the resurrected Christ. We are called to a radical love, trust, and peace through the knowledge that our Lord holds everything in the palm of His hand. Do you believe it? Do I? I still struggle some days. But the problem with this is not that we doubt. It isn't the struggle. God will continue to appear to us in many ways despite it. The problem is in ultimately believing the lie that because we have doubted, we are unworthy to bring God's love to others.

How can I preach the Good News when I barely believe it myself? How can I call my friends to be better when I'm constantly messing up in my own life? What have I done that qualifies me to be a leader? These are just some of the questions I've received from peers and ones that I've struggled with personally in the past. The truth is, it's all a lie from the enemy who wants nothing more than to plant doubt in our hearts. Once there, unchecked, it can grow into feelings of unworthiness and complacency and that is where he can enter and wreak havoc. Don't let him.

Take this reminder about St. Thomas, for example. Back in the beginning of Easter we read about him. He is infamous for being "the doubter." But what I've noticed is that we seem to give him way more trouble for this than even Jesus did. I like to think that Jesus understood where Thomas was coming from. How many times have we, in similar situations, asked God for a sign before we would believe? It is part of the human condition to desire concrete, tangible ways to experience God. After all, it is through our own physical bodies that others receive concrete, tangible experiences of God. And God knows this; he created us with this purpose in mind. Doubt is not bad in itself, but we must turn it into an opportunity to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to us, just as Thomas did. He doubted, but rather than turn away and give up, he asked God for a sign and God did not disappoint: He appeared to him. God is longing to be called upon in your doubt.

More recently we read about the Great Commission, where Jesus appears to His disciples for the last time before ascending into His kingdom:

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Still the disciples doubted, but still Jesus appeared. And he directed them all, as He does to all of us, to make disciples of all people and nations. Jesus did not scold them for doubting. He did not call the sure and leave the doubtful behind. He called them all. Would it make sense to call only those who were sure? Only the disciples who knew all the right words and never messed up a day in their life? Do those disciples even exist? Who among us can boast of a perfect faith?

Consider this: we need to be called before we are ready because only then can we know that it is not through our own power that we are able to accomplish great deeds, but through the Holy Spirit that flows from our all-powerful God. He alone is the great Creator. Our own unworthiness, our own doubt, our own confusion should not hinder us from spreading that radical love, trust, and peace of the Good News. Rest assured that the Lord has called you, and that in itself makes you worthy. When you share the Good News, you offer Him and not yourself, and He is always sufficient.