An Open Letter to Every Woman Waiting For a Godly Man

Dear Women Everywhere:

This afternoon I listened to a fellow young woman pose a question. She said:

What should I do if I'm being pursued by a godly man but I know I'm not ready to date?

Her question stayed with me for the rest of the day. It sat heavy on my heart. I knew what she really meant, what we all mean, when we find ourselves in these types of situations:

What if he's the only good one left? What if I miss my chance?

Well, this is the question I'm really going to answer. I'm speaking directly to you women. Maybe you have godly men in your midst and can't help but fall for one because he's so sweet, so kind, so prayerful. He probably wears a scapular and calls the Virgin Mary "mom." You know the type. Maybe you're just waiting for that one good guy to finally cross your path. Maybe you feel you've already missed your chance. Whatever the situation, so many times we as women tell each other, just wait for a good man, don't settle, find a guy who shares your faith. This is good advice, and true, but what often happens is that once we come across any man that fits those parameters we take off running and never look back. Let me tell you, I've done it for sure.

As a 20-something single woman, I've had some dating experience. Some decisions were good and some were bad, but every single one taught me something valuable. One of the biggest pieces of wisdom I picked up from my years of trial and error is this: just because a man is kind and loves Jesus doesn't mean he's the one for you. Settling for any good guy who comes along is still settling. Truthfully, I had to learn this the hard way. I've had many broken hearts over the years, and they weren't because of bad men. These were godly, kind, and generous fellows, and I'm forever grateful for the good times we had. But I let myself get emotionally invested, I fell too hard too quickly, I made assumptions about who they were just because we had some things in common and they loved Jesus just like me.

What point am I trying to make here? Pray. Go slowly. If you're trying to discern if someone is right for you or if you should be dating, how often are you praying about it? You should be going to daily mass or exposition of the Blessed Sacrament or setting aside time for private prayer with the rosary or daily readings as close to every day as you can manage. Yes, it seems like a lot, but you'll never become familiar enough with the voice of Jesus to understand His will if you aren't frequenting His presence. And from His presence you will gain Hope and Trust and Peace, which in turn will strengthen that heart of yours. You won't have to worry that letting someone "slip by" will cause you to miss your chance or be alone forever.

If I could assure that no young woman I knew or was in contact with ever had a broken heart again, I would do everything in my power to. But I can't; I only have what I've learned to share with you all and pray that someone, somewhere, would be helped by it. Take heart and have courage, sisters. Even if you do come across that godly man and hope and pray he is the one, he may not be. And when that happens, here's my last piece of advice: practice accepting disappointment, not rejection.

When we're "rejected" by a guy when we seemingly did everything right, our first instinct is to ask ourselves why. What did I do? Where did I mess up? What parts of me are unloveable? Listen up here: you did nothing. you did not mess up. you are everything good and worthy. It's okay to be disappointed, but don't let that disappointment turn into a rejection of who you are. If he let you go, you weren't rejected, because to be rejected suggests that this person knew every part of you before he decided to turn you away. If he truly knew every part of you, he would love you for it, as truly knowing a person means (think of how Jesus knows and loves us). So if he lets you go, he didn't really know you. Don't attack yourself! If he really knew you, he'd see what a treasure you are. And that only needs to happen once, right?

Be encouraged. I'm always here to listen if you want to talk.

Love,

Mel