I Did It On Purpose: The Power in Intentional Relationships

Remember in elementary school, when your best friend promised you that she would not, absolutely WOULD NOT let Brittany P. into your secret girl's club? Brittany P. was not nice. Brittany P. was one of the "popular" girls, and this club was staunchly anti-popular. Your best friend even pinky-promised you that she would not let Brittany P. in the club. Do you remember what happened the next day? Brittany P. was in the club and you spent the entirety of lunch recess crying under the jacaranda tree. Anyone else remember this? No? Just me?

Well, the point is, that ever since the beginning of time friends have been making promises to each other that get broken. Even the pinky-promise 'til death-do-us-part types. Humanity is infamously fickle. Promises don't mean so much anymore, the value of our word or a handshake is practically non-existent, and so many people have trust issues with those around them that they've vowed never to believe in anyone ever again.

I've been a victim of these types of broken promises, but I've also been on the perpetuating end. I've come to realize the only thing worse than having your trust stomped upon and your heart broken, is having your trust stomped upon and your heart broken and then realizing that you've done the same thing to someone else. So after years of seeing this cycle repeat itself in my life and the lives of those around me, I vowed to start being more intentional in my relationships. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much this world needs intentional people, and honestly it doesn't start with some massive project. All it starts with is you, keeping your word, planning ahead, being present, and living authentically. Here's how you can start:

1. Your word is worth something: This is the biggest deal. Words have power, and what you say has direct influence on how people view you and how others will view the world around them. Somehow, someway, we've fallen into this trap of seeing words as meaningless. You might say, whoah now, that seems a little harsh and untrue, but is it really? Think about it. When you tell your friend, "Okay, I'll be there at 7," and you know 7 really means probably 7:45. Or when you invite someone to an event and they say, "Sounds good, let me check my calendar and get back to you," and you know you'll never hear from him/her again. Sound familiar? Or maybe someone swore to you that the next time you needed help, they'd be there, and when that time came around they were just too busy. It happens all the time, and my question to you is why do we let it? I understand emergencies happen, and sometimes we need to think of ourselves first, but let me present you with a challenge: start living up to every single thing you promise someone. Is it hard? Absolutely. But it will also force you to examine your words and the weight they hold. Maybe you're stretching yourself too thin and you need to cut back. Maybe you need to stop saying maybe when all you really want to say is no. Changing a culture of apathy is only going to start with the individual. Become a man or woman of your word, and start showing the world what integrity looks like.

2. Timing is everything: Keeping your word is going to be some hard work, but a lot of it depends on timing. You're not going to set yourself up for success if you can't plan ahead. And this is a skill that a lot of people lack nowadays, because we're over saturated with news and media and social apps and everything else battling for our attention among work, family, and friends. It's difficult, but running out of time is no excuse. What do I mean by this? Well, you know you're probably going to be late to that morning hike with your friend if you don't go to bed on time the night before. If you know it takes you an hour to get ready in the morning, don't snooze your alarm three times. Keep good track of your appointments with people so you don't double book. Just get into the habit of planning ahead, and then running late, canceling, and forgetting things won't be a habit that you're known for, but a part of your life that is left in the past.

3. Be where your feet are: Nothing is worse than sharing a story with a person who is scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, through their phone. I've been guilty of this too. I've also been guilty of looking elsewhere while someone is talking to me, saying "mmhm" when I'm not really listening, and waiting for them to stop talking so I can bring up something more interesting to myself. Guilty guilty guilty. I think we all are, but this is not intentional friendship. Intentional friendship pays attention, it listens, it empathizes, and it can't do any of that if we don't first put aside all other distractions. It's okay to sit in silence with a friend, scrolling through social media, but the second someone begins to talk, your eyes should be on them.

Note: sometimes it's necessary to be not where our feet are, i.e. if someone is waiting for you to return a call, text back, etc. I've had people tell me oh, you know I'm just so bad at that. My usual thought response is why is that an excuse? Something we're bad at is something we should be trying to fix, not something we keep under our belt as a way to justify a fault. If you can't get back to someone right away, let them know that, and then get back to them as soon as possible.

4. Live what you believe: Easy to say, but hard to put into practice. For Christians, sometimes even harder. This was something I struggled with for a long time. I said I loved God, but I sure as heck didn't always act like I did. When you love someone, it's more than just lip service. Your life has to proclaim it by action every chance you get. If you say you love God, how well are you loving your neighbor? Are you keeping your promises? Does your word mean something? Do you listen to people, and I mean really listen? Whether you like them or not? If you say you love God, how are you showing it? What more are you doing than just the minimum of mass one hour each weekend? Are you going to daily mass when you can? What about a holy hour? Praying the rosary? Reading the scriptures daily? If you say you don't have time, make time. Be intentional about your faith. You don't have to do it all. You can start small and grow from there, but you should be doing something. It isn't enough to just reach a place you can live with. Keep pushing yourself, and I promise it will bear great fruit.

Changing the way I acted in my relationships created a big shift in my mindset. Life became less of a blame game (why do people keep doing this to me?) and more of an opportunity for personal growth (how can I be the change I wish to see?). This shift from the negative to the positive changed me for the better. Am I perfect at it? Nope. Even the best laid plans sometimes fail, and this calls for forgiveness of myself and others. But I'm more conscious of it now, and I'm confident that my battle to become a more intentional person is overflowing into the relationships around me in a positive way. Now, when I think about being intentional, I think of Jesus. For Him, everything was intentional. Every conversation, every visit, every prayer, every action. His entire life was lived for the good of humanity. Not a single person left Him without feeling loved. That's what being intentional is about. Recognizing that every word and every action of yours has an effect on those around you. You can be cognizant of this and use it for good, or you can be lazy and let an opportunity to be the love of God slip past you. Which would you prefer?