Authentic Femininity and Taylor Swift

Unless you've been living under a pretty big pop-culture shaped rock, you may have heard that Taylor Swift released a new song called "Look What You Made Me Do," in anticipation of her forthcoming album entitled "Reputation". This was a big deal, and Swifties everywhere rejoiced to hear that their fave country artist turned pop sensation hadn't let the drama of her previous celebrity feuds get her down. I, too, love me a good dramatic Taylor Swift lyrical tell-all, so as soon as I heard the song was out I pulled it up to listen. Now this isn't going to be a commentary on the musicality of the song; I believe Taylor is a talented artist but am not interested in critiquing her performance and how it measured up. This also is not a commentary on Taylor as a person; obviously I've never met her and I have no idea what her true personality is, although I'm sure she has a good heart, as I believe we all do. The real reason I'm writing this blog is that I'm afraid for young women who might hear "Look What You Made Me Do" and get the wrong idea about what it means to be a strong woman. So, let's break it down.

No doubt Taylor has been wronged by some people (who can ever forget the original Kanye diss?), but I'm sure she's also done her fair share of wrong. I'm not stating this to point fingers, but merely to say that we all make mistakes and if we try to keep score, our lives will turn into one bitter blame game. It seems that Taylor is definitely keeping score, and she sings, "I've got a list of names and yours is in red underlined." It won't do to say that this is just figurative speech or that she meant it generally; Taylor is famous for writing truthful events into all her songs and honestly, that's what made a lot of her past lyrics so powerful. Fans know she is authentic. Here, however, she's perpetuating an image that she's been working hard to project in the last couple years: that of a strong woman who refuses to forgive and forget.

I'm not exactly sure where forgiving became synonymous with weak, but it's pretty clear that Taylor does not want to find it in her heart to forgive or forget those people that have wronged her. Here's where the first misconception is presented: I'm sure many young girls will hear what Taylor is saying and think wow, she's strong, she isn't letting any man (or other woman) walk all over her! But here's the thing: when you willfully choose not to forgive someone, or to not forget what they've done to you, who are you truly affecting? Do you think it's the person who wronged you? Truthfully, the only one you're hurting by doing this is yourself. Forgiveness does not make you weak. Forgiveness sets you free. It takes infinitely more strength to forgive and forget than it does to give up and hand someone else the power to keep affecting you. It hurts to see Taylor, and other women who have been hurt, believing that lie.

The second misconception, and the bigger issue in my eyes, is the idea that strong womanhood means aggressive womanhood. Yes, women have been historically oppressed by men. Yes, women have been called the "weaker" sex. I don't condone actions that support that nonsense and I wholeheartedly believe that no woman should stand to be belittled. But what is woman? I suppose that's part of what's at question here. I think Pope Francis says it beautifully:

"Woman is something that brings a richness that man and all of creation and all the animals do not have...moreover: she brings harmony to creation...it is she who brings that harmony that teaches us to caress, to love tenderly, and who makes of the world something beautiful."

This is what a woman is, this is what she is known for. This is what she has to offer. Hear this: it has nothing to do with what she looks like, or her profession, or her relationship status or whether or not she has children. It has nothing to do with liking dresses, or makeup, or being "girly." It has nothing to do with society's perception of her. This has to do with a woman's heart, and simply by the virtue of being a woman, we are wired for gentleness and beauty. It is there in all women. It is innate to the souls of who we are.

When Taylor sings, "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time," what is she actually saying? That it's better to harden your heart? To forego that tenderness? That she learned her lesson and isn't letting anybody else in? It seems likely, because she goes on to sing in the chorus, "I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me." In her music video she's aggressively destroying cars and furniture, gritting her teeth on diamonds, and wearing a sexy dominatrix outfit. She's surrounded by snakes which she's embracing as a sort of symbol of her venomous paybacks. Somehow, somewhere, Taylor decided that her old feminine persona of sweet romanticism and honest innocence was no longer the best route to take, and replaced it with a lot of bitterness and vengeful tactics. This isn't what makes a strong woman. Taylor has it backwards. Forgiveness in the face of wrong is strength. Choosing gentleness instead of anger is strength. Softening your heart toward those who have hurt you, that is strength. And this is where authentic femininity, where a woman's true strength, lies: in the depth and power of her heart to display and extend that love to the human race.

It is my hope for Taylor, and for all women reading this, that you embrace the beauty of authentic femininity and understand the difference between strength and aggression. Know that you can stand up for yourself without taking revenge. You can be strong without holding grudges or perpetuating feuds. You can rise above those who wrong you without bringing them down in the process. You can be successful and relevant without building an empire on drama and sharp words. Don't let this song fool you. The next time you have a choice between forgiveness and punishment, tenderness and hardness of heart, harmony and discord, stay true to who God made you to be. You'll know what to do.