Because Every Day is Extrovert Day

I am an introvert. If you know me very well, you understand. If you've only interacted with me a few times in certain settings, this might confuse you. I'm a teacher. I stand up in front of people all day long and talk. I'm a ministry leader for young adults. I give my opinion decidedly and without fear. These aren't exactly "typical" introverted behaviors. But let me tell you, what is sometimes labeled as "typical" introverted behavior isn't always correct. So, what are some truths?

1. Please don't force us to talk: the whole "stand up in front of the group and introduce yourself" or "find someone you don't know and share an interesting fact" never gets easier. Never. Small talk does not come easy to introverts, and we like to plan ahead what we're going to say in public situations. This, combined with the fact that we second guess even our smallest remarks constantly, makes for nerve wracking encounters. I've even avoided certain social situations just so I don't have to partake in this kind of icebreaker. True story.

2. Being in social situations for more than a few hours is physically exhausting: I can do it if I really want to, but it takes a lot out of me. Sometimes you'll even find me in a quiet corner or in a bathroom stall just taking a few quiet moments for myself. And when the day is over and people are gearing up to go out for the second round, there's nothing I'd rather be doing than going home and changing into my comfy pj's for a few hours reading or writing. When I try to explain this to people, they do their best to force-change my mind, so sometimes sneaking out without even saying bye to anybody seems to be the safer route. It really isn't you, it's me.

3. We don't appreciate unexpected attention: want to know the worst thing ever? Being pushed into the middle of a circle and forced to dance. Or dragged to the microphone for karaoke. Even standing up in front of people while everyone sings me Happy Birthday? Uncomfortable. My body literally does not know what to do. I feel like I might go up in flames. Help.

4. We take small comments to heart: the quickest thing that may seem insignificant to you can be detrimental to me. Especially if it's a criticism on something that is already hard for me, or a critique on myself as a person. I don't consider myself to be effortlessly cool or witty, and even a joke on my account that is meant to be funny can leave me feeling humiliated. The smallest of utterances can mess up my whole day or send me spiraling into a mood where I overthink and second guess everything I once held to be true. It isn't easy for me to brush things off and forget them. Please be sensitive to this.

5. Introverts don't like people (or because you like people, you are an extrovert): hey, FALSE. Introverts like people. In fact, we love them. Just as much, if not more, than any other type of temperament. We just manifest this love differently. We prefer one-on-one or small groups. If we're comfortable with you, we can talk for hours. We're extremely loyal and deeply committed to the friends we hold dear. We might even sing and dance and make a fool of ourselves in front of you. Maybe. And that doesn't make us extroverts.

Let me say right now that I am not unhappy being an introvert. But perhaps the thing that's stings the most is that we're always seen as being "less than." We're too quiet, too solitary, "stick-in-the-mud" types who aren't built for leadership. All this is a lie. The problem isn't with introverts, but with how the world sees us: it's built for extroverts to excel. But I'm not complaining. Are there things I've had to work on? Of course. I've learned to get better at small talk and at interacting with people I don't know, but it's never going to be my greatest strength. I've become a little more comfortable with being spontaneous or involved with groups of strangers at an event, but sharing long, personal conversations with a friend over coffee is always going to be the thing I love best. I accept my God-given introversion, but I still allow myself to be stretched or uncomfortable for the good of others and for the good of myself.

Obviously, not all introverts are the same as me, and we don't have a monopoly on being shy or desiring solitude. But I think the biggest point I hope to make with this post is that introverts are misunderstood. We're not anti-social, or stuck-up, or boring, and we especially don't need to be fixed. Introverts are just as valuable and have just as much to offer the world as extroverts; just don't force us to do it. We'll get there on our own time.