If You're a Fixer, This is For You

Wow. It's been a doozy of a couple of weeks, I'll be honest. I've been struggling with a lot on my plate, both personal, spiritual, work related, you name it. I spent a lot of my time praying, worrying, and listening to my friends who were facing real struggles, and it seemed everywhere I turned people were hurting. It broke my heart to know that people I loved were stuck in these places that none of us had the ability to put right. As a person who's always been obsessed with doing, answering, and fixing, I felt utterly helpless and inadequate when it became clear that these problems were out of my realm. I was also completely weighed down by the sheer knowledge of the situations I was involved in. I heard a lot that I had to keep to myself and I was stressed about accidentally revealing things to people I shouldn't, and also worried if it would be better to reveal certain things for the sake of the truth.

Can you relate to any of this? Do I sound crazy? Have you ever just wanted nothing more than to fix your friend's problems? Felt like a failure for not having the answers? Obsessed over what the right move should be?

Well, I talked to a few different people. They helped. I spent a lot of hours praying in the chapel. That definitely helped. But there was still an uneasiness on my heart and I knew I wasn't getting the message I needed to hear. So in a moment of randomness, I reached out to a new friend who knew nothing about any of the situations I was going through. I shared with him just enough so that he could have a general understanding and then asked him for advice. I thought perhaps speaking to someone I didn't usually talk to might give me a fresh perspective and I was right. The Holy Spirit delivered. First, my friend asked me a question: What do you think God is doing through all of this? I didn't really know what to say. Was it a trick question? What was He doing? I thought about it for a few seconds and then answered: Well, He's taking care of it I guess. As I pondered this for a few more seconds my friend moved on to say something I'll never forget:

Why do you think it's your responsibility to fix all this? Why do you want to take matters into your own hands? Why are you concerned with telling the truth? As soon as you do that, you take away the other's free will to make the right choice. And it means more when they do that themselves. You know what God is doing through all of this? He's letting things unfold, and He has them under control.

I sat there stunned. I didn't even know what to say. I felt so clearly the Lord speaking to me through my friend's words and was both humbled and relieved. In retrospect, the only constant emotion through the last several weeks of my life had been worry, not faith. I was trying to control everything myself rather than entrust it to Jesus. He sure set me straight in one 30 second comment. The next day I was reading through some quotes trying to find a good one for my Advent chalkboard and I came across the gem:

We are in hot haste to set the world right and to order all affairs; but the Lord has the leisure of conscious power and unerring wisdom, and it will be well for us to learn to wait.

// Charles Spurgeon

Again, with the truth bombs. So, especially in this time of Advent, if you're worrying, waiting with impatience, trying your best to redo all of those failed New Year's resolutions with just a month left, whatever it is, take heart. You might, like me, desperately need some answers. You might be pushing for successes in your life, feel like you're drowning amidst a hundred little failures, or just have one pressing question that won't seem to escape your thoughts. Whatever it is, be at peace. Jesus has all the answers we'll ever need and He knows the time and place to reveal them. When our hearts are unsettled, it is because we have not learned to wait well. It is because we are holding on to power that is not meant to be ours.This is all still a work in progress for me, and maybe for you too, but know that you're not alone. We can work and wait together.